attentive to the unknown
still and quiet in this place
a new, vast space of presence arises.
old selves, old stories
try to shut it down
hiding from experience
grasping for old, familiar boxes to organize new experience
compensating, building up identities
requires a lot of energy to maintain
seeking to abolish pain.
anger replaced by niceness
anger can be a motivating force
anger expressed frees up energy used to stifle it.
i chose to cling to old stories
a sense of comfort and security in a dangerous world.
of old identities to allow fear to be felt
experiences not fixed in finality
maintained for safety
stories seem immovable
become established in presence
attentive to discomfort
a way to extend unconditional presence
unconditional nature of presence
a space to allow all experience.
Or as Philip Larkin puts it:
They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.
But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.
Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don’t have any kids yourself.